Are you over 50 and feeling like you’re not sure why your house looks like you never really discovered a “look”? You’re not alone. We have let our life become our interior decorator.
This month, I’ve been taking a serious look at our home. From the distance, looking in.
I’m surprised at how much I hadn’t really noticed over the years. Since we’re getting our home appraised to refinance a loan, I’ve been noticing.
What do I mean, life became our interior decorator?
Go ahead, take the test. Walk around your house and observe as though it was the first time you ever walked into your house. Don’t just walk around as you normally do, aka numb to what has surrounded you all these years. Duh…that’s the point.
Look around with fresh eyes.
What did you see? A unique look, or something you can’t quite describe? Do you love what you see? Or did you think, “Hmm…something is not quite right, where am I in all of this stuff?”
After living in a house for decades, we tend not to see how it has evolved.
Part of the fun of decorating a home is that you can string it out over a long period of time. If you keep on improving your home you will continue to love it more and more. When the day comes that you no longer want to add beauty to it, look out, for your heart has left its habitation. – Kay Hardy, 1947
We settle for what it has become. Maybe you have a well-decorated look you liked at first, but now it’s out of date? Funny how the decades fly by and the 1990s are long gone. Or maybe you have the not-yet-defined look still going on?
It’s exhausting to think we might need to change it up a bit…or not?
Hiring a professional interior decorator wasn’t in the budget when we first moved into our home. No worries though, many DIY techniques came to the rescue. A stay-at-home mom with a daily dose of HGTV and the DIY style prevailed. You might be one too if you’ve dabbled in painting techniques and borders? Is smooshing still an in-thing painting technique?
Now that we’re empty-nesters, I took the walk around test in our house. Our house definitely has an eclectic look. Originally, we aimed for contemporary, but life blessed us otherwise. But, is the look what I (you) really want? Or have I (you) settled on letting life be my (your) interior decorator?
How the heck did it happen? Sigh…
7 reasons why life becomes our interior decorator:
- From birth on we accumulate stuff. Every stage of life, there’s a different need for stuff. We receive treasures along the way to decorate with. Not necessarily of our own liking. And so begins our collections. We keep them and learn to decorate with what life gives us.
- Leaving home for the first time. We carry with us the treasures of first our bedroom. There’s no reason to part with treasures.
We love them, they represent life so far.
- First apartment. Wow, lots of room for more stuff. Now we’re talking! A perfect time to buy new items. After realizing how much living on our own costs, we substitute new with hand-me-downs from parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors or thrift sales/stores. Filling our space with essential (…clearing of the throat, because it hurts to say essential) items every home should have. Jackpot!
- We get married and move into a space that’s spacious. All of their stuff from #2 + #3, multiplied by 2 (aka, your stuff). Double the essential stuff. Some of us are smart and keep only the “best” of duplicates. Or we box up and store duplicates. You know, just in case when we move into a house we’ll need it? Way to plan ahead!
We become experts at stacking, storing, covering it up or making due while we decorate with what life has provided us with. And stuff magically multiplies.
- First house. So much space, even after moving all the stuff from #4. Now we can decorate with the “best” stuff from #4. But we stand back and think…there’s something missing? All this empty space is foreign, it must be filled. Off we go to buy new stuff. We receive gifts from family members who want us to have new stuff to add to our collections from #1. Our parents deliver boxes from #2 we left behind because we didn’t have room when we first moved out. At this point, we still want a “look”. Whatever is trendy we run out and buy it. Or we’re broke so we shop at thrift sales. Yes, we buy stuff other people didn’t want anymore and we decorate with it.
Someone else’s life has helped our life’s interior decorator do it’s thing.
- Start a family. OMG…kids come with a lot of stuff. At every stage of #1! They start their own #2, take off to go to college, get their own apartment and leave stuff behind. They haven’t yet found their #3, #4, or #5, so the best and cheapest storage space is, of course, our #5. We miss them and rationalize it is okay to leave their stuff out because it is still decorating their space.
That’s not all…there’s more!
- We inherit belongings from loved ones who have passed on. Their stuff is precious. They treasured it (after all they kept it in their home) and we don’t want to or even know how to part with it. Guilt and missing someone is hard to overcome. So we make room for their stuff by decorating with it. Or we box it up and store it because it might be nice to decorate with…someday?!
Someday doesn’t come…that is, until 5-10 years later and you finally realize ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. All of their stuff is not your stuff.
Time to finish what we started…
Time to wake up and realize, we have let our life become our interior decorator.
The empty-nest stage is a perfect time to realize YOU, not your life, deserve to be your own interior decorator. We’ve been through enough stages in life to know what we really like.
Time to let ourselves decide to let go of what we don’t love.
Empty the nest of stuff life decorated you with. All the things you don’t love, don’t go together, and simply aren’t YOU…and don’t forget your significant other if that’s your case, especially if they’ll join you in the redecorating mission.
Post Inspiration – A prep talk re my own empty nest decorating challenges, a late entry into Richa’s Freedom of Expression Revival and Becky B’s #JulySquares and #Blue
PS – I’d love to hear how you’ve conquered your life’s interior decorator. Are you a master at decluttering, or only keeping things you love? Do you think my 1947 book will help?
I love interior design. It’s one of my favorite topics to read about and see photos of and think about. I agree that if you’re not careful you’ll end up with a home filled with objects that aren’t you. I am super aware of making sure that our house is a reflection of who we are now, not who we were way back when. Gotta keep it fresh.
I love it too, just not so great at it… I do think this time in life is a good time to get better at it. Do you have a favorite post of yours that talks about it that I can read for inspiration?
LOL – The 1947 book stinks (literally…my eyes burn when I open it… ;-)!)
When I started my current blog my intention was to write about our house, remodeling + redecorating it to reflect who we were now. BUT here’s what I discovered about myself: as much as I love being an active amateur Interior Designer, I don’t enjoy writing about the process and I hate taking photos of projects as they happen. So I turned my blog into a personal one instead of a design one, thus I have no favorite post to share with you on this topic.
I get what you’re saying. I thought the same when I started out. While I adore before and after shots, and get a charge out of the process, I’ve got enough on my plate. I’ve made my blog my ‘hobby’ zone – clutter posts and all! 😉
Exactly. If we met in real life, we’d talk endlessly about decorating– but to describe it on a blog is too time-consuming for me.
I’d enjoy that conversation! And, I enjoy your blog as is – your witty posts are always a pleasant surprise.
🙏
Yes very nice!
Your home is the true self reflection of yourself and it is one of the places where you get mental peace, a place which inspires and motivates you to be your best self⭐✨
Thus it’s very important that you surround yourself with good things and design accordingly so that they can provide you with love and satisfaction.
Thanks for sharing ✨
Best Regards
Thank you, I appreciate your feedback!
I remember my parents did a big purge and some renovating after us chicks flew the nest. 🙂 For the first time, they installed central air. I by then lived in rental apartments, still without air. 🙂 But they had some comforts now…
I think their style evolved slowly, didn’t just appear.
Aw, bummer for you. Hope you have functioning A/C now. We bought a new roof after our chicks flew the nest. Not quite the same as A/C, but it sure cut into the redecorating budget! 😉
I appreciate hearing your thoughts! It’s GREAT to hear from you!
I’ll let you know our secret, if we ever find it. I guarantee, the comfy dog and cat places will still be where they like them.
LOL – yes, secrets like that can’t be kept forever! You’re right there – pets rule and always will!
Hi Shelley, Your phrase on how “life became our interior decorator” really made me think. I am always at least a decade behind. Empty nesters, yet the grandchildren now take over. The inheriting is scary too. A great, candid post! I will keep working on it and see whether I will ever catch up:)
Thank you, Erica. I’ve lost count on decades, but when you mention grandchildren, that always hits me – “I should hang on to this so the grandkids will enjoy it.” LOL! Best wishes on your interior decorating. PS – Happy Belated Birthday!
When I moved from Alabama to the midwest, I use that time to really “throw away” and start over. Then when we moved from the rental house to our current bought home, I re-evaluated those things in boxes that never got unpacked in the rental house one more time and did some more cleaning out. Well since we then we have purchased more stuff trying to figure out “our look” and it may be time to re-evaluate that again. Ever going.
I’ve heard that moving makes it easier to decide on what to keep or not? I agree with you – it is an ever going adventure. If you find the key to finding ‘our look’ let me in on the secret!!
LOL
I love the bunnies! After my divorce I purchased a home which is now decorated exclusively by me, I did a darn good job with the Desert Southwest designs. A simple bachelor pad for a man who will remain single. Period. I hope you guys find a fresh design you both will love Shelley!
Thanks, John. From your pictures you’ve shared, I agree, you have done an exceptional job on making your pad your own! 🙂
our life definitely is . . .but we hope to move in the next year and so hopefully a little bit of us will determine the new place rather than life determining it all!
I hear moving helps? I don’t really want to move…not just yet anyhow. I hope the move makes it easier for you to find you’re decorating ‘look’!
so do I!!
We are looking at downsizing in the next year, and the purging will have to be significant. That said, moving to California and paying the movers by the pound really made me think about what I love/what I can live without. And it made the move back cheaper. ha! I still have a fair amount of ‘stuff’ that will need to go, though. We love our house the way it is now but the maintenance of the yard and gardens is cutting into my leisure time now that I’m retired. 🙂
Oh, my, pay by the pound! Yikes. I don’t know if I could afford to move. LOL. I can see me wanting to downsize someday. I’m still shellshocked from the experience of having to go through all of my mom’s belongings when she moved to assisted living and I had to sell her house. Some of that stuff remains with us. 🙁 I don’t want to do that to our kids. But maybe it’s part of the circle of life – the good china kind of way. Your gardens must be beautiful – my small beds take up enough of my time, I can’t imagine more. Even if I’d adore looking at the beauty of them if I did. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! What would you do with all your spare time if you didn’t have a garden?! Write a blog ;-)!?
Yes…that’s when I decided not to move my piano and gave it to my brother. 🙂 Not sure I would have the commitment to blogging that you do – your faithful posting is admirable.
LOL – A piano weighs a lot! I’ve got one of those anchors in my house too. My mom donated it to the cause when she moved the first time. “You have a nice new home, do you want it, it was grandma’s…” Blogging is my distraction from other projects ;-)!
I hit return too fast – by the way, thank you for the compliment. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts!
This is great Shelley. First of all, I love “eclectic” – a perfect word to describe those of us with well developed nests. My life path of interior decorating followed much the same path as yours. Except – we only lived in one house, but just put a big addition on it 6 years in. Which we needed to fill…with Stuff! When we downsized a few years ago, we decided to go more “contemporary” which meant selling/donating all the old furniture stuff and getting newer stuff.
My blog started as a way to process the downsizing and the shock of the kids not wanting anything. (also – saving stuff for grandchildren doesn’t always work out – as it may not be “in style”).
It’s not easy to part with what you’ve been decorating with for so many years. It’s family history after all. 🙂
Aw, I just knew we had ‘eclectic’ in common. Your sentimental like me, I could tell. I’m shocked at what my kids don’t want, what they do want (someday…just not yet mom) and what I think they’d really like, “NO way, Mom” and even the occasional ‘it’ll be okay if you get rid of it, don’t worry.” And then they take me to thrift shops or antique stores and want to buy something I had before but discarded. That gets me. Grr.
I agree – it’s not easy to part with things that have been around for so many years. And the ‘it still has usefulness, why spend $ to get new’ factor gets me everytime. Oh, the stories we could tell. 🙂
So many great stories! As you probably can tell, I am all about the stories. I try not to take it personally when my kids don’t want things – especially what I consider sentimental. Sigh. And sometimes I still tuck away things, thinking…someday! 🙂
Yes, it’s the stories and you have so many great ones to share and treasure. I do the SAME thing…someday stuff could fill a room – but man o’ man it’ll be fun when that day comes! 🙂
🙂
I found the Marie Kondo book and others helpful in helping me weed out what I don’t want/need anymore, and it made me conscious that I didn’t want to fill it up with needless stuff again. I just finished a kitchen reno and weeded out more stuff, only putting what was useful or beautiful back in the space. I hope to have a garage sale with the rest. My house is old and more in a B&B cottage style, I still have wallpaper in the dining room and hallway/foyer which I still like. It doesn’t bother me that it looks old-fashioned or if I don’t have the latest trends. I don’t like the modern minimalist gray look that is in now, and don’t find it cozy or welcoming at all. I enjoyed your post, and it is true we often let our life become our interior decorator. The worst thing is getting rid of gifts people have given you, or what you have inherited if it doesn’t hold any meaning. I find it helps if you can give it to someone who actually wants it, as opposed to donating to the Goodwill where it may languish on the shelves forever etc.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Joni. I’ve read Marie’s book too. It inspired me to look at things in the ‘brings me joy’ mode. I’m glad it helped you with your kitchen reno.
Sorting like that is one of those things, though, that you can’t do hit or miss like I have time for. I agree with your thoughts on welcoming or not. I agree – gifts are a tough one. I do like Marie’s take on those.
I was shocked when I carefully wrapped every glass that I donated to Saver’s and watched them just toss the box on top of a bin of other glasses. Some they save, I guess, but most they recycle. I’d love to find proper homes for the stuff, but that takes time too. Then I give up. Sigh. I think about taking a vacation to sort stuff, and then I think – its a vacation from work…why work…have fun. Oh well, at least I’m never without a project!
I agree…..I didn’t do a major debunk of my house until after I had retired and had a major chunk of time, and I did it in Jan/Feb when the weather was bad. It took over a month, room by room, and then I went through my mother’s house with her help, but she was more reluctant to give stuff up, Having lived through the Depression everything might come in useful someday!
Wow, that’s a great accomplishment. Winter is a good time to sort and purge. My mom hung onto everything too – I learned some of that behavior. Unfortunately, or not, it has come in handy a time or two! 🙂
Well Shelley, I am not a master of decluttering and I wonder every day as I glance around how the heck two other people and a bird lived here? I need to get myself in gear and get organized, but this Summer and all the things that have happened both inside and outside the house plus my work schedule which has been horrendous the last week or so and even more so in the next week or two, all these things have rendered me just getting things taken care of one day at a time and that’s if I am lucky. I like how my house is decorated (Early American) and since no one sees it but me, I just roll with it as to whether it needs to be updated. But eventually when I retire, I need to go through here and declutter away. My mom had a rule as to clothes – for every new article of clothing brought into the house, one must go (to charity like the Salvation Army), but truthfully that rule applied on paper, but in real life, not so much. P.S. – the gap in the garage door was becaue it came off the track, not even 4 weeks after installation. That has added to my angst about this little black cloud over my head right now … at least it is fixed, but when will it happen again. The owner who came to fix the problem said “these doors are not made for manual operation” – well your son who arrived to fix the problem, then did the install of the new door should have mentioned that fact when I purchased the door.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. With all that you’ve had going on, decluttering is rightfully placed in the least important category! I love that rule about clothes – it’s inspirationally hard to carry out. LOL! Glad you found out what was wrong with the door before winter! Hope it is better now. Hang in there – cooler summer days and warm fall ones are soon to arrive. xx
Maybe when I’m retired I can sort out the clutter and leave it contained forever. I’m glad I found out what the problem was with the door – I was pretty livid. I only mentioned it to you as we were discussing the gaps and I had been pretty happy with this all-encompassing seal. Hopefully nothing with four legs, a long tail and whiskers moved in while the door had the gap (shudder). I always had those extra large doorsteps in place to avoid that at the bottom. It is supposed to be nice this weekend, rain/storms are not predicted in our area so hope they are right that no rain here as I try to set out where I was going five weeks ago before all the fits and starts.
I’ve seen a lot leaves littering the lawns and grass along the perimeter path. Yellow and brown and this year’s dead leaves not 2018’s – yikes! 🙂
I hope no critter moved in! It’s been warm enough and plenty of ‘normal’ spots for them to live in so hopefully you’ll be fine. I hope you do get out to visit the places you’ve been waiting to go to. I know – our trees are losing leaves now too. Way too early for that!
I did go for a long walk today and did a long post, probably too long, but decided to use a lot of pics to do my story. It is a torrential rain while I write this and two more overnight/early a.m. – my morning walk may be scratched. I saw a lot of red leaves and dead leaves on the overlook at the park today – I don’t understand that as yes, we’ve had heat, but we also had lots of rain?
Glad you got out to walk. We did too, it was terribly humid. Then later it turned rather nice out. I spent most of it cleaning. But was thankful it was nice after dinner, so we sat outside and enjoyed the nice summer evening. You’re right, we’ve had heat and rain. The crops look nice here cuz of that, but it has put a damper on exercise routines all around.
Yes, I needed it as we’ve been swamped at work and my boss dropped two tapes off at the house this morning – saw them when I went out at 8:15. He was by around 7:00 a.m. They are not even related to this big project we are working on and every day last week we had new clients or matters come in and three clients wanted to fire long-term employees (one 25 years at the job) and I said to Robb “”what’s with all the firings?” He said something in the water – we had to do severance agreements for each. He asked me to work this weekend and I said maybe on Sunday late afternoon, but was honest and said I needed a day to just get away from everything for a day. It could have been a tad cooler though – August weather. We’re having tick issues as well due to this year’s weather. I walked at the grocery store this morning as it was very humid and I went to a different store as my store had no power for two days and my friend told me they just dimmed the lights and placed plastic over all the refrigerated areas. Didn’t like that! Used my walk to navigate around this Meijer which is much bigger.
Wow – I sure hope August is less stressful for you – you need some fun this summer! I hope this week is better for you. 🙂
Thank you – I sure hope August is better because the tail end of June and all of July has been a … bear. Today wasn’t great either – the lack of hot water was not a pilot light issue, it was a gas valve issue and he said said it might not be that much more $ to get a new water heater versus repair of the valve given that it is a 9-year old hot water heater. Grrr. So they return Wednesday – garage doors and hot water heaters are not my idea of fun things to spend money on not matter how you slice it. And no hot water until Wednesday. And work is coming out of the woodwork – we have not been this busy in eons. Because I was waiting on the plumber as I put an emergency call in to them at 6:00 a.m., I had to forego a walk and decided to start early as I’m so swamped and did not know how long I’d be with the plumber. I worked til almost 8:00 p.m. And the Summer miseries just go on and on it seems. Something goes wrong once a week it seems. I have some issue with my wireless – it goes off and on all the time – it disconnects my remote connection – here it is not bad as it comes back a minute later, but at work it is a PIA as I must re-connect again. Likely the modem is going – it is just two years old and was brand-new (combo modem/router) from Comcast. Maybe a reboot for the modem – a reboot for me would be great too.
Man o’ man you’ve had a rough stretch. Cram all the rest of the cruddy situations into today and tomorrow then you’ll be good – August should be stress free, right!?!! I hope so!
I sure hope so Shelley. Today the plumbers called at 8:30 and were done with their big job last night and they could come today. It was not the same guy as yesterday, but this guy was here in January at 11:00 p.m. on a Saturday night when the PVC pipes in each of the double sinks fell apart under the kitchen sink. I had to scramble and move some things out of the way downstairs which I would have done tomorrow morning. I gave them paper towels and shop towels in case of a mess because in 2017 I had three plumbing disasters and messes galore; these guys cleaned up and you wouldn’t have known they were there – he said “we wiped off where we had the hose draining the tank for you” so nothing more for me to do. I’ll move stuff back on the weekend or tomorrow It was good to have hot water again. But the tank only lasted 9 years and he agreed that repairing the gas valve would not have been worth it … a friend of mine has a hot water heater that is almost 23 years old. If it was going to go I’d rather it went this way, than spring a leak – I’ve had that mess as well.
Oh, my, Linda – you sure deserve a better August. I’m praying for you!
Thanks – it has been a trying Summer, that’s for sure. I have this big project going on and today the printer didn’t work – we use the copy machine as a printer/scanner – it was making a grinding noise and jamming everything, so luckily what I printed last night was fine so he could work on that until the repairman came late this afternoon. I said “use the backup” – I tried to print to it and it said “offline” – he said “oh, it’s been offline for years.” No words.
I’m fascinated by how many of us are into this topic … does our house reflect us … do we reflect our house?
if I throw this out am I still me … if I throw me out am I still this? Do any of you remember George Carlin, the comedian, his routine about his “stuff?” Remember Maureen O’Hara in “The Quiet Man” shouting to John Wayne that she won’t sleep with him until she has “
Yes, it is true and fascinating. Yes, George Carlin – I remember that! 🙂
I find it fascinating how many of us are into this topic: Does my house reflect me? Do I reflect my house? If I throw this out, am I still me? If I throw me out, am I still this? George Carlin, wonderful comedian, did a hilarious routine about his “stuff,” and then there’s that famous movie “The Quiet Man,” in which Maureen O’Hara tells John Wayne she won’t sleep with him until she has “my own things about me.”
I loved your quote that when you stop bringing beautiful things into your home, it may be time to move, or at least it’s telling you you’re not loving your surroundings anymore!
I’m inspired to write a new blog now about my addiction to House Hunters, Love or List, and all those programs on TV …
Yes, that quote got me too – I’m looking at my stuff more in do I love it, versus, it might come in handy someday. It’s a work in progress, for sure! I love those shows too, but they distract me from the work to do if I’m not careful and watch the time I’m spending!
Just had to share…our pets look at our interior decor and love it!
https://littleblackdomicile.com/2017/06/19/looking-thru-their-eyes-2/
Aw, that’s a wonderful post – so true, pets just know what comfortable is!
Shelley, I think you asked who my interior decorator is … or maybe that was for someone else. In any case, if you’re speaking of my psychological interior, that’s done by Susan, my therapist.:-) My apt? That’s pretty much all me … I have a good eye – but lack knowledge, like how big the rug should be, where to get the furniture, etc. I did hire an online cheaper decorator site about 5 yrs ago and she was good and not too much $$. But of course, you were kidding, so why am I answering seriously??
I don’t recall asking, but I may have, but…I appreciate your clarification and you for sharing your thoughts!
What a lovely and wise post! Brilliant!❤❤
Aw, thank you!!!!
Homes are meant to be lived in and professional decorators can never give that to a home. We are the ones who give a place that homely look.
I like your thinking, Colline. 🙂 Thank you for sharing.