My six-month gig as a plastic surgeon

Today I would’ve been sitting in the plastic surgeon’s office.  Having a simple surgery on my face. But, nope, I canceled the appointment.

Why did I do that you ask?

Well…that’s a funny story, kind of gross, really gross, so if you’re so inclined to like that kind of stuff, stick around while I share my tale of my gig as a plastic surgeon.

First, you have to promise me a few things.  Hold up 3 fingers on your right hand, cross your heart and hope (not) to die, and repeat after me:

1. I will not judge Shelley for her stupidity ingenuity.
2. I will not follow Shelley’s non-medical DIY advice.
3. I will still come back to read her blog after seeing the pictures.

Great – thanks, you’ve been sufficiently warned.  Remember I told you gross!

People are all cool about wanting to see a gal in a yellow belt being worn.  No matter what that girl looks like in that fashionable yellow belt, it doesn’t even come close to being noticed when she’s got a barnacle on her face.  I exaggerate to make a point.  By the way, Bandaids were in my arsenal of go-to make-up.  Even in Jamaica.  Sigh…

It all started 6 months ago.  When I wanted to get rid of the unicorn.  That turned out to not be the best option for a DIY project, as I shared before.  But I had no idea that there was something else about me that I could try the DIY approach on that might work.

As if the heaven’s opened up, the light became bright for me, and I found a true project to keep an eye on.  For six months.

I was chatting with a dear friend, who’s into essential oils, and she was telling me about how she had heard some of the ladies talking about how they preen themselves with essential oils.  I envisioned them sitting around the sauna talking about how Frankincense will make the dark spots on faces fade and how beautiful they’ll be in their old age, with skin that freaks out on you after too much exposure to the elements.

The idea of it piqued my interest.

“Really, that works?  I’ve been wanting to remove this thing forever.  Would it work for me?”

She shrunk back a bit…

and looked me in the eyes and said, “It might, or you might want to try oregano – that worked for me.”

I stretched my neck…all excited like…really?

And I said, “Where do I get me some of that?”

“I’ve got some of both you can try.”

And that’s how it all began.  The six-month-long journey to discover if miracle cures from essential oils would work.  What I discovered, is that it isn’t an overnight deal.  Especially when you have no clue WTH(F) you’re doing.

The first time I put the oils on and thereafter for 6 months, Mr. said, “Yum, you smell like an Italian restaurant, what are you doing putting that on your face for?”

“For my barnacle, of course.”

I didn’t have the technique down for a really long time.  By the time the end of January rolled around, I had made a terrible mess of the damn thing.  I should’ve bought stock in Bandaids.  I went to my physical with my primary doc, with a bandaid on my face.  She asked about it, and I told her I was trying essential oils.  She asked if it was Frankincense, as she smiled.  I told her that and oregano.  She didn’t ask for the bandaid to be revealed.  I told her it would be just fine, and I was going to keep giving it a try.

I left there and made an appointment with the Dermatologist for the week after we got back from Jamaica.  March 21st.  It truly looked like a barnacle on the side of a ship. Before it, was just a large brown smooth patch. Ugly, but it didn’t stick out of my face!

So I tried a few other things in the meantime.  After researching YouTube.

I tried:

• Castor Oil and Baking Soda (that made it expand)
• Honey (that made it flatten overnight)

What didn’t I try:

• Apple cider vinegar (it sounded like it burned too many people)

Then after our trip to Jamaica, having worn a hot, steamy bandaid every moment in the sun, it was looking exceptionally horrid.  Thank goodness I had the dermatology appointment to look forward to.  I was going to have her cut the damn thing off.

I sat in the room, with an extra large bandaid on, waiting patiently for the final day of removal.

The super friendly Dermatologist walked in and we chatted about what was under the bandaid.  I said, “Well, I took matters into my own hands.”  I told her I had made a mess out of something that I had evaluated years before, as an SK, and that it just kept slowly growing.

“Ah, yes, the old farmers used to call them barnacles.  They are very common.”

I told her about my friend and the essential oils and, that I was looking to be rescued by her because my efforts were a dismal failure.

She said, let me take a closer look at it and see what I can do.

Sigh…okay…(I WARNED YOU!)

She said it was definitely a benign, but rather irritated SK.  Removal is typically cosmetic in nature, and some insurances cover, some don’t for removals.  And, since it was on my face, it would be better to be removed by a plastic surgeon.  She also said that she wasn’t aware of long-term studies on essential oils working.  But that she also hadn’t heard that they don’t work.  She said no matter what, there is no guarantee that it won’t grow back.

Oh…great…

But, she was extremely supportive of those, like me – a DIYer, who want to take a homeopathic approach.  She didn’t discourage me from trying to be more aggressive with the essential oils in the meantime while I waited to get in with the plastic surgeon.  Having already spent $1k on the removal of the unicorn horn, I was all over keeping up with the DIY budgetary approach of a $30 supply of home remedies.

After I scheduled an appointment with the plastic surgeon scheduled for 5/3/19 – that’s today, I set out on a mission possible with a 3-4 time daily application of oregano oil.

Week one

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Week two

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Week three

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And boom.  The damn barnacle is gone.

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I added Neosporin to the healing process in my tool kit.

Before and after

It’s still healing, but it’s gone.  And, that folks, is how I survived the gig of being a plastic surgeon for six months.  Will it come back? I dunno, maybe?  Is it perfect?  Nope.  But neither am I.  At least it isn’t sticking out like a barnacle off the side of my face anymore.  I’m happy with the results, mostly that I save $ too!

Post Inspiration – #MADMADMay

PS – How about you, have you tried essential oils?  Do you think I’ve officially gone mad by sharing this tale?  Will you come back to read again?!