Settling into an empty nest is easy when you realize the spontaneity you had when you were first married, can be revived. Remembering that you’re not planning around kid’s schedules and that you’re back to just the two of you, helps. And as long as it is mutual, it’s a pleasant surprise to allow moments of spontaneity jazz up your empty nest.
Find joy in the ordinary. – JMB
The battle to find spontaneous moments can be won when you first take the time to notice it is happening. Pay attention to your everyday routine, and notice the things that stand out as different.
It must have been him watching me endure the 3-hour cleaning ordeal that made Mr. feel sorry for me? Or maybe our nice spring weather that turned cold and rainy? Or maybe he was feeling the need to do something different, too? Whatever it was, he suggested we head out to listen to a band and share a glass or two of wine at our favorite vineyard, River Bend.
Wait…pay attention, Shelley – Mr. is being spontaneous! Duh!
Mr: “You’re slower than molasses today, aren’t you ready to go yet?”
Me: “Yes, sorry…what’s the rush?”
Mr: “I want to beat the crowd, the band starts at 1:30.”
Me: “Good thinking, we can have a glass or two of wine for my breakfast and lunch…I haven’t eaten yet…and we can be out of there by the time the crowds arrive.”
Mr: “Yeah, that’s what I thought too, you know how much I love crowds…”
Both of us, at the same time, as we’re pulling out of the driveway: “Is that a dead bird?”
Mr, stopping to open the car door to take a closer look: “Yep. Dead bird. I’ll deal with him when we get back. He must have fallen from the tree or ran into the power line, or…who knows what?”
Me: “How sad…”
We drove off in silence.
We arrived at River Bend, a place where we always feel welcome and at home. It is a comforting place to sit and talk while you enjoy sipping the wine. And if you’re like us, we always grab some cheese and crackers, too. It’s a perfect set up to enjoy spontaneous conversations.
When you’ve been married or together for 30 years, finding a conversation that is spontaneously different from what you’ve talked about every other day ranks right up there for challenges in an empty nest life. We both work from home, we share a business together, and we also know almost every story of each other’s lives. If we don’t hear from the kids or the neighbors or talk about something on the news (blah), spontaneous conversations are difficult to form, to say the least.
The awkward silence in conversation, while we sit by the window together at the vineyard, isn’t that bad – it’s peaceful in a way. We can always talk about the vines or the scenery. The vines are starting to get their leaves now. And the perennial flowers are blooming.
We’re both people watchers and doing so helps us find something to talk about. We watched the band set up and that sparked ideas to discuss, too. We asked questions to the staff about the wines or upcoming wine releases and that set off another new conversation.
At some point, those conversations paused…and we munched away at the cheese while we watched the crowd that gathered around the band, wearing their coats, and cuddling with blankets in their chairs. They looked cozy…
We both smiled at each other, thankful we were warm and cozy and we weren’t outside in the wind. We cracked the window so we could still hear the band.
Okay…it’s your turn, Shelley, you be spontaneous!
Me: “So…I was in the first 10 minutes of my run on the treadmill, and my kindle book ended. I had 20 minutes left, so I scanned new options and bought a new one that sounded interesting. And you know what? It is, I’m really interested in it. It’s about how the Danish are the happiest country in the world.”
Mr: “Yeah, really??? What’s it called?”
Me: “I can’t remember…but it is about Hygge, have you ever heard of it?” (Book link here.)
Mr: “No, I can’t say that I have, how do you pronounce it or spell it?”
Me: “Hygge…”
Good thing for smartphones and 3G access…and articles and news releases, especially when I can’t remember details, the internet always comes through for us with enough information to discuss. We talked for another hour while we ate the rest of the cheese, sipped another glass of wine, and timed our departure perfectly – right before the crowd rushed inside when the band took their first break. It pays to be married to a former band member, he knows how bands and crowds operate.
We got home and Mr. cooked us the dinner we didn’t have the night before.
We had settled back into our normal, comfortable, happiness routine…feeling full and cozy, I, of course, dozed off…in my chair. Sigh…
But, Mr. must have had some spontaneity left in him as he watched his lovely bride of 29 years quietly sleeping. This morning when I looked at my photos I found these two beauties…
PS – What are your favorite tricks for keeping spontaneity in your life? Have you heard of Hygge? What do you think of the country you live in, is it a happy place?
There’s plenty of spontaneity in our lives these days. Unfortunately, it often takes the form of “Mom, Dad, can I…” after one of The Girl’s friends calls and asks if she’s available to [insert fun but poorly timed activity here]. We haven’t given up hope of the return of romantic spontaneity though, are just deferring ’til the nest empties. I’ve never heard of Hygge but remember hearing one of those Northern European countries was the happiest in the world. Is my country a happy place? Hmmm… I’d say not very currently. Deluded and derailed, maybe, but not happy.
Oh, my, yes, I remember that kind of spontaneity! Don’t give up hope, and you’ll find opportunities when they’re off driving themselves places – you’ll be up worrying about them, might as well have fun while you’re at it! If you read more about Hygge, you’ll see it would be hard to implement here, but it is nice to compare and try small things like being in the moment, a warm cup of coffee to start your day! Your comments brightened my day, thanks for stopping by!
With your delightful posts, Shelley, it’s always my pleasure!
Aw, thank you, Denny! 🙂
This is what I need and having you write it out tells me it will come again. Because right now I’m in the scheduling trenches (baseball tournament, don’t ask) and drowning and I vow never to volunteer again.
One thing i find is that conversation never get boring if the person you’re with also likes to read. Always something to talk about with people who read, right?
Oy…I remember my husband doing volleyball coaching, and running places for games, it was a fun, and challenging time in our lives. Just a stage…just a stage…and it does pass and move on to other stages…like worrying about where they are at when they’re driving themselves places. Yes, people who read always have something to talk about. :-)! Thank you for sharing your thoughts – enjoy the rest of your month off before summer fun hits your home!
Thank you for the hygge book recommendation….always Into happiness and into culture…it’s a very fun read 😀
Thank you, fellow happiness seeker! Enjoy the read! Thank you for stopping by to share your thoughts!!