This week brought about a new milestone for me in our empty nest. When I cleaned our own home instead of a rental unit, I got all melancholy. I pondered all my foggy thoughts from the week.
The ones that made me almost weep as I searched for the right angle, or perspective to take.
I processed the words I listened to intently from the girls when we talked on the phone. The words that they won’t be coming home for their birthdays next month almost got me to shed a teardrop or two. But I hung on to them, held them back, and listened. Their perspective is important for me to consider. I’m proud of them sticking to what they believe is the right thing to do.
I haven’t yet cried during this whole pandemic. I don’t know why? But that thought of not seeing them sure brought about the feelings of hurt or sadness? Each family picture I picked up and dusted kept me on the verge of tears.
I shook those feelings off. I put on some ‘happy memory’ music – the CD my oldest put together with our favorite Jamaican themed songs on it. I sang and danced a little. Remembered our family trips together. And got busy like a spider, weaving my way through the nest in a haphazard way of cleaning.
Copper followed me and rested in his spots in each room while I cleaned the empty nest.
As I dusted the mirror in our bedroom, I looked at myself and realized, it’s my problem. I was thinking about all the wrong thoughts I had about this stage of not seeing our kids for the holidays or their birthdays.
I’m not a 20 something like them, I’m 50 something and if I remember correctly when I was a 20 something, I was off doing stuff with my friends, not worrying about seeing my parents. Even on my birthday. My parents understood (I assumed they did) that I was busy. Busy networking with friends.
The only difference now is that our kids are staying away, not because they’re extra busy with their friends, or don’t want to see us, it’s because they want to help contain the spread of a virus that none of us has ever been exposed to before. And, I remembered that I’m doing the same for my father and my father-in-law who I won’t see, but will call today too.
While we’re missing the idea of not hugging them on their birthdays, they’re more at ease and comfortable using technology to stay connected.
Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge. – Daniel J. Boorstin
While I’m on the fence about how to do their birthdays without seeing them, I do need to warm up to the idea of embracing whatever means of staying connected with our kids and our parents we can do.
Most consequential choices involve shades of gray, and some fog is often useful in getting things done. – Timothy Geithner
This mom’s brain is never done working. I weave thoughts all the time. While I find my way to possibilities. With anticipation. And hope. Just like our kids do.
“Mom, I’d rather know that I wasn’t the one to give you or dad the virus than unknowingly do so. I love you too much to risk it.” – A kind and loving daughter
Fog is my weakness, and every time there is low fog, I am out and about with my camera. – Om Malik
Most of us live in a fog. It’s like life is a movie we arrived at 20 minutes late. You know something important seems to be going on. But we can’t figure out the story. We don’t know what part we’re supposed to play or what the plot is. – John Eldredge
Derive happiness in oneself from a good day’s work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us. – Henri Matisse
Eventually, the foggy thoughts clear and the quiet moments of reflection always lift my spirits.
Post Inspiration – Patti for Lens-Artists #102 – A Quiet Moment
PS – Happy Father’s Day! May your day bring you moments of joy. Are you a fan of foggy photos, how about catching dew drops on blades of grass? Or spider webs?
Lovely pictures! And I understand your sadness. The pandemic has really taken away a lot of the social gatherings and simple connections that I love. The worst, of course, is not being able to hold my new granddaughter in England. But we are hopeful it can still happen later this summer…time will tell. And I confess to having shed a few tears over this whole mess. When I slow down and really think about it all, it’s heartbreaking. And a glass of wine doesn’t help the waterworks. 😏
As for my own kids leaving the nest, they all have birthdays that fell within the school year, so they went to college and that was that. I occasionally have had one visiting during a birthday week, but not often. So I’m grateful for technology on that front for sure.
We are at the stage of moving with a hot mess in two locations. So I don’t have much time to ponder right now, but once it’s all finished, I’m sure I’ll have more time to wallow. And I’m sure I will. Hang in there…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Laurel. I can’t imagine not being able to hold a new granddaughter. Sigh. I think that would’ve brought upon tears and wine or both for me! I haven’t heard about travel to other countries? I’m assuming eventually we’ll have to open up and travel places again?
My youngest reminded me that she spent 4 years away, so she has gotten used to staying connected virtually. I must confess, if we hadn’t had I-phones, Skype, Facetime, etc., it would’ve been much harder to have her that far away. I’m grateful for the technology too.
I’m also grateful that you paused in your moves to stop by here and share your thoughts. I’d be shedding lots of tears if I were moving ontop of all that’s going on. 15 years at the beautiful spot that you lived in must be hard to leave. Glad to see your dogs liked the new digs. You hang in there too!
Well, sad face, Shelly. 😪 As always, so beautifully expressed, written and touching. These are difficult times in so many ways. They challenge us to be creative in new ways of staying connected.
Maybe, have them delivered a party in a box?
Zoom conference and have a video party, sing, eat cake together remotely, play a game together via video? Make a special day out of despite these strange circumstances.
Aw, Laura, so great to hear from you. Yeah, I have been feeling blue, but am working my way through it! The challenge to be creative does take my mind off the blues, even if I wind them into the creative process. I do feel better when I make it to the ‘publish’ status.
I love your ideas – I need to look into them. We do have Skype but haven’t tried Zoom yet. My daughters play Animal Planet together, it’s fun to see their Snaps of them on their screens showing how much fun they’re having. I’m sure we’ll find a way to make their birthdays fun, I hope.
Thank you for sharing your lovely post about your dad. Your praises are so touching. He must be so proud of you!!
Lovely shots.
I know exactly how you feel.
Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Your post about your walk was lovely as well. Nice rainbow you captured along with the macros of purple flowers! Lovely, indeed!
Thanks Shelley.
Distancing from family is the hardest part of this pandemic, but everyone must be comfortable. The stress from worrying about getting sick or infecting others is real and it’s not a healthy thing. We do well to avoid that.
Thanks for sharing, Dan. Yes, I agree. At first I was like, “Family is our bubble, we shouldn’t avoid having family gatherings.” But then I realized that’s not fair to assume, we all have separate lives now, and the risks change when that happens especially when they are in areas where there are higher # of cases. I’m doing the same for my dad. It’s still darn frustrating, but I’ll get over my temper tantrum … eventually. 😉
I’m here trying to figure out whether I prefer the left, center or right picture of the tree better, but I do like the foggy poictures.
I know … I can’t decide which photo I like best either. Every year I think about taking a photo a month of that tree to do a series, and then I forget and get busy. Foggy photos are fun.
I’m trying to decide which video you shared that I like best, the Funny Face or the Pepsodent one. You sure have a gift for finding fun things to post about!
You’ve perfected the spider web photos – wow! Really nice macros. I totally understand about the isolation from your kids. It’s wrenching to say the least. But your point about seeing it from their point of view (and remembering our own points of view when we were their age) is excellent. And helpful.
Aw, thanks, the spider’s effort helps when it comes to catching photos. We had plenty of webs all over the yard to practice getting shots of.
I’m glad to read my thoughts helped. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
You are most welcome 🙂
Love the spider web pics. Great post.
Thank you, Janet :-)!!
Your girls have learned from you the art of passing on meaning thru technology. I’ve embraced this with our kids and am much more connected with them than I was with my parents. Photos are amazing as usual!-Laurel
https://littleblackdomicile.com
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Laurel. It is fun to stay connected with technology. Interesting that you point that out, I agree with you – I’m more connected with my kids than I was with my parents. Hmm …
Your daughter’s are being sensible we have had to make sacrifices during this lockdown. However what you could do is when they can see you have a belated party for them and have a little celebration. Then at least that’s something to look forward too Xx
Yes, they’re being wise beyond their years! We are in the planning phase for something outdoors where we can meet sometime after their birthdays. That gives me hope. xx
Love your images this week Shelly and the way they’re woven into your quotes and thoughts. Wonderful post. Hoping we all get to see our families sooner rather than later
Thank you, Tina. I’m with you on the hoping – while I’m not very patient, we will get through this, I’m sure of it.
What a beautiful post, Shelley. I love how you weave your thoughts and the images together. It is a difficult and sad time–and the fact that we are separated from loved ones is especially hard. But your daughter’s words are very wise. They want to protect you because they love you. How wonderful is that!! It’s fabulous that they are so much to want you to stay safe. 😊😊. I am in a similar situation too with our son–who lives in Canada. We saw him in September and we’re waiting to hear when we can see him again. This pandemic hurts on many levels, doesn’t it? Take care and be well.
Thank you, Patti, I appreciate your words of encouragement. Indeed it hurts. We’re all making sacrifices during this pandemic. I hope you get to see your son soon too. Take care and stay well!
Excellent. I love all the internet shots. (Webs.) 🙂
Thank you, John! Spiders do the wild internet well!
Beautiful photos Shelley – I’ve never gotten spider webs with dew on them and their webs are so intricate and beautiful. I keep away from spiders as much as possible, but seeing these designs makes me want to change my mind. The foggy pictures are good too – perfect pictures to match your mood!
Thank you, Linda. I appreciate your kind words. Yes, try spider web photos too – they’re fun to capture. The spiders usually don’t come out, they just hang in their spot and pose. 😉
I will try it Shelley, especially in late August when the big webs with the garden spiders are around. If I see one spider though, you’ll hear about it! (Just kidding!)
Thanks Shelley for letting me into your world once again. We are lucky here in the lucky country. Have my (((hugs))) x
Thank you, Brian – I’m so glad you stop by to see what’s happening in my neck of the woods. I’m glad you share your lucky world with me too!
I like your photos that perfectly fit with your theme here. I like the Henri Matisse quote, often feel that way myself as I go through my life. We all make what we can with what we have. Illuminated fog, gotta love that idea.
Thank you, Ally – I’m glad you enjoyed the post. You’re right, we make what we can with what we have!
That is so tough, Shelley. I’m sorry you won’t be able to see your girls for their birthdays! Hopefully, you can have a make-up date that will be even better! We are going to visit my dad in Ohio next month and are being as safe as we can, before we leave and after we arrive, keeping our distance, showering and washing our clothes upon arrival. I’ve gotten more comfortable with the outdoor activities, lately, but indoor is another matter. I so wish there was an easy antibody test that was readily available–so we would all know if we’ve had the virus. Of course, scientists don’t even know if you can get it twice, right? Ack–so many unknowns (so much fog, as you say), I think that’s what is so frustrating! You crafted those frustrations into a lovely post, however, with amazing shots of those spider webs. The dewdrops look like tiny pearly, just amazing!
I can only say – I know something about this too. You sent us a beautiful post on these sad times.Thank you for sharing. But there will be an end to this as well – next year hopefully. Or this Autumn – who can tell.
Yes, you understand too, it is hard. You’re welcome, thank you for your words of encouragement.
I hope you don’t mind if I hold you to this Autumn instead of next year for there to be an end of this! 😉
♥
Beautiful captures and inspiring words Shelley. The book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge meant a lot to me.
Thank you, Abrie, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I’ve added that book to my want-to-read list on Good Reads. 🙂