Here I am writing a blog post, and am stuck about what to write. YIKES – writer’s block. How do I spark flames of an idea to light a fire under my butt to get a post written?
Well…that’s a funny story. Really, funny. Well, okay, maybe not so funny, but, you know…I’ve sparked your interest, right?
Okay, here’s the hot deal – yesterday, I found flames of revelation while I reminisced through high school English Literature papers – after I realized that starting a bullet journal is scary.
What the burning hell am I talking about? So that’s not how you spent your Saturday afternoon?
Nope? Well, too bad for you.
Let me tell you, it was a hot and interesting way to spend an afternoon.
It all started when I finished reading The Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll. You’d think that I’d have been all fired up and ready to put the method into action. I was at first. I ran upstairs, grabbed a notebook and a pen, sat down to write, and froze.
Sh*t…I was incredibly overwhelmed. I had writer’s block.
I was stressed. It was new, scary, and holy shit I didn’t know if the notebook was big enough. There’s a lot of stuff in my head, how in the world was I going to put it all down into one notebook?
I was stressed out big time.
So I made some stress relieving tea.
As the tea steeped, I zoomed in on the little paper tag. Hmm…
SS (Shelley Sue – yeah, that’s my name, don’t laugh…) “You will always live happy if you live with heart.”
I pondered…Have I always been happy? What did I enjoy years ago that I still enjoy now? Did I always want to write? Was I ever afraid to write? Was I good at writing?
Maybe my early school papers have answers to my questions?
Where’s that box?… Oh, yeah, downstairs by the fireplace. Flammable papers next to a fireplace – the perfect storage spot…
On another side note, I’m the self-proclaimed Dubious MinimalistTM. I hang onto stuff, just in case it’ll come in handy someday. This folder of papers has done just that – it serves(d) a purpose.
I sat down to read the papers. I skimmed ones with poor grades, except to read teachers’ comments. Did they think I could write? Was there a common theme of ‘happy’ in my life? Do I still stick up for people? Shouldn’t we find ways to relax and enjoy life?
Was I clear on my purpose? Would I know words to use to express myself without offending someone?
Maybe it was content of the papers or reliving poor scores I got on them, or the tea I drank, or the cozy fire in the fireplace, but it all made me very sleepy.
So I took a nap.
As I dozed off, I thought, “By 54 years of age, dammit, I should know what the hell I want to be, or at least know my purpose in life, right?”
I woke up an hour and a half later and told Mr., “I suddenly feel like a glass of wine. We haven’t had wine for a month, we’ve been good at refraining…but dammit, once in a while, a glass of wine is okay…right?”
He set a glass down in front of me, and said, “Yes, dear, it’s okay to have wine with dinner.” What a blurry day…
I grabbed the glass of wine, left the box of papers behind, and headed to the dinner table.
There I found a reminder of what I hadn’t finished earlier and our ever so subtle reminder of why we hadn’t had wine in a month. The blood pressure cuff, ah, yes, our life of moderation and healthy living since the big scare.
We enjoyed dinner with our glasses of wine, followed by big chasers of water.
What a day… I pushed the bullet journal aside, again. Not gonna happen, it was too overwhelming to comprehend how I’d ever dump all of the things off my mind onto paper. I was afraid it would turn out like a bad high school paper and I’d waste paper.
I slept on all of those smoldering thoughts…and I dreamed about my papers.
Oy…I woke up remembering that at least I didn’t give up in 12th grade – I sparked my flames for writing in college so I knew that I liked writing and I could get an A again…
When I grabbed my cup of coffee this morning, I still had those damn papers on my mind. Then I remembered a paper that stood out to me yesterday. Did it contain something important? Is it worthy of quoting or including as a spark for a ‘collection’ in my bullet journal?
I’ll be…I’ve known all along how to be happy. And, yes, dammit, I don’t have major goals except to enjoy what I do. I’ve been true to myself all these years – isn’t that important and a simple route to happiness?
I thought so in Junior High, and I know so now – if I enjoy what I do, I am happy.
Post Inspiration – High school papers, Bullet Journal, and Lens-Artist – Magical Light.
PS – Do you bullet journal of #bujo? Was it scary for you at first? Do you still have your high school English Lit papers?
I’m 58 & don’t know what I want to be when I grow up either. Actually I think it’s a great State of mind . . . Still searching, enjoying the ride . . . WithWthat in mind, I also agree with the tea bag!!
Thank you, Karen – love that – still searching, still enjoying the ride, and a happy heart while doing it! PS – great to hear from you, I hope all is well with you!
All is good. I’ve had a genuine writers block since September, but I’ve been very creative with my woodworking & painting, ahhhhh . . . A happy 💓 while doing so!
That’s wonderful news – I’m happy for you, and I’m sure all your woodwork and painting are filling the creative cravings perfectly. 🙂
Thank you for sharing the story. A wonderful interpretation. 🙂
Thank you, Amy 🙂
Wow! You still have those high school. What I have are College papers. I feel you on that writer’s block. And I love your name, Shelley!
LOL – yes, I have both – but the high school papers were more fun to look at ;-)! Yes, writer’s block is real! Thank you, Winnie 🙂
You’re welcome, Shelley! 😉
Good for you for both keeping those old papers and being brave enough to go through them seeking discovery. I do think you’ve lit on the secret to happiness: simply enjoying what you do. I’m glad you enjoy blogging enough to share your journey–and good luck with the bullet journaling. I’m not that brave!
Thank you, Rebecca, I appreciate your feedback and your moral support for my hanging on to the papers 😉 Your joy of writing about what sparks your interest inspires me, thank you for that as well. I’m still not so sure I’m brave enough to do the bullet journal yet…! Maybe another couple of youtube videos will convince me? LOL!
I still have some high school papers (and college ones as well) – which are a hoot to look at. I even have a few from elementary school. English “theme papers” are especially fun to read again. You have quite the collection! Your handwriting is exceptional! 🙂
Aw…I just knew I could count on you to have some fun papers from your past too! Thank you – my mom had beautiful handwriting, I wanted to be just like her. Since I type way more often than write nowadays, it’s not quite so pretty now. I’m hoping that bullet journaling may revive that part of my past. 🙂
You have nice handwriting. I wrote like I taught penmanship to doctors.
Thanks, John 🙂 LOL!
I found one of my old college short stories recently and rewrote it to get a different outcome. It was fun doing that. BTW, you have pretty handwriting. Good luck on clearing the block, it will happen.
Oooo…that’s an interesting twist to old stories! Thank you, I appreciate your encouragement.
Oh my, I have NO idea where mine are although I’m sure I could learn from younger me! Courageous to even start the journal Shelley, good luck!
LOL! Thank you, I appreciate the encouragement!
From the start I thought there was going to be a sacrificial bonfire of old papers. Oh well at least you had a wine and found some purpose. I did smile at SS
LOL – someday, when there’s not snow on the ground, there WILL be a sacrificial bonfire! Yes, the wine and purpose made the napping kind of day worth it! Glad you smiled :-)!
I shall dance around the bonfire with you and we can sing
That’s so funny – PERFECT!! LOL!
No. Not applicable. No! 🤣🤣🤣
LOL!
This was interesting Shelley. I don’t have any of my school papers that I have saved except one child’s drawing and story about my dog from first grade. 🙂 I did have to make a string book for my journalism class of all items written for the college newspaper, which I was on the staff for two years. I still have that scrapbook and it is pretty thoroughly documented. I have a lot of pictures from my past because I was an only child and my parents documented my life in photos. I inherited all the albums and my mom went thru and explained every picture to me and who was who, so were I to recreate my youth, I’d be able to do so in a narrative, but, as to my writing abilities back in the day, maybe not so much. For the present, I’m immersed in the blog and I would like an Ouija board for the future.
That is incredible that your mom saved and shared all of that with you. I don’t have that kind of historical stuff for myself. I did save a bunch, but in a moment of harsh minimalism, I burned the lot thinking ‘who in their right mind would wanna read any of my old stuff’? I’m good with that decision, can’t reverse it anyhow. I wish that I would’ve had a more encouraging senior high school lit teacher – I despised him, turned in every paper late, and received poor grades. Oh, well, I enjoy blogging, and so I’ll get my ‘writing’ fix that way. Ouija board…hmm…
I am getting my writing fix through blogging as I sure did not use my journalism degree – when I graduated from Wayne State University in 1978, there were no jobs … this is because after Watergate in 1972, many young people decided to go into investigative reporting and flooded the market. When I was in my senior year, there were so many students in the print journalism program, WSU could not place us all into internship programs. It went alphabetically and being an “S” I could not get into a newspaper internship and was placed in a P.R. internship – they really had no use for me unfortunately and I wrote two little paragraphs that were used. I am a saver, not a thrower – this is why I seem to deal with perpetual clutter. Last Thanksgiving I digitized all my travel and family photo albums and all the scrapbooks. They are in a real raw state right now and I tweak what I use in blog posts. It will take a long time to get them all organized in some fashion, but I look at the pics more often then when I had to dig them out of the bottom of the closet to look through.
That’s wonderful that you’ve found an outlet for your journalism degree and that you’ve found ways to plan to treasure your photos. Both are big accomplishments, you should be proud of your efforts to carry on despite some obstacles!
Thank you – it took 35 years to use that degree, so better late than never! I love writing the blog and sometimes I do wayback stories like I did with the diner post … I used some of those pictures I digitized on the 5th anniversary of my blog in February this year. We had just had a large snowfall a few days before (probably nothing for Wisconsin, but it was a large amount of snow for us in one day) and I used some pictures from way back in the day to talk about the snow and some memories and toast myself on my 5th WordPress anniversary. This is a long post to read sometime when you get a chance – I just love old pictures: https://lindaschaubblog.net/2018/02/11/reflecting-and-remembering/
Congrats for repurposing the degree years later ;-). Loved your post, the childhood winter pictures, and the quote at the end – congrats on 5 years!! That’s a big deal to survive WordPress for that long!
I am glad I put the degree to use somewhere at least Shelley. I had not written anything since graduating in 1978, however, every time someone had a marriage/baby shower or going-away party at work, I was in charge of doing the creative part of the get together. I would do a fun little rhyme, and before we had access to internet at work in late 1999 (or home … I didn’t get my first PC until after Y2K because I bought into the predicted issues), I would use stickers or cut out black-and-white graphics from newspapers or magazines and make a clipping file of items I could use with my little poems. I’d use rubber cement so there was no bubbles like regular glue and white-out around the edges before I xeroxed the invitations. I have saved all those items I did back then. My boss at that time was a trial attorney and I did a poem about each case before it went to trial and gave it to him. Saved all them too – I told you I was a saver, not a thrower, but I always kept a copy for me and hated to throw these things away.
Wow – impressive! Maybe you should make a book and sell it? PS – I’m a saver too, things I created or wrote, or designed for work are all safely filed away. For what? Not sure? Someday my kids will shred them I hope. 😉
I think we put so much work into them that it was a shame to throw them away – I have no kid and someday after I’m gone, someone will look at all those items I labored over and say “who and why would someone keep this?” 🙂
If we’re lucky, someday, someone will find them and be inspired, if not for the excitement of finding them, but by being touched by the words shared or the efforts of the work behind it? All those lovely feelings will make them happy as they shred them! 😉
You’re right – they’ll be shredding away or having lots of paper for their fireplace to keep warm – all my hard work. I know I’ll never throw them away as it would break my heart.