Crazy cat lady confesses that empty tins aren’t a good gift for the holidays

After I wiped the counters and pushed aside the candle tin, I grabbed a pen and pad of paper, set my cup of coffee next to it, and wrote down what I needed to buy.

Why, oh, why could there still be items on a list?

Why did I forget to buy them when I was at the store YESTERDAY?

On the 2nd busiest weekend of the shopping season.

Oy.

Crowds make me crazy.

So, on my naughty – dammit I should’ve remembered that – list I wrote.

Canned cat food.

Tin cans of cat food.

There you have it, my brief and short written list – for our not so little kittens, who by the way don’t look like they are starving – on a free notepad from the Habitat for Humanity.

I sighed, yep, that’s our house alrighty,

The Cat’s Habitat for Humanity!

Those two lovable cats who woke me up,

before I was ready to arise with any semblance of a smile on my face,

it took all of my social grace,

not to throw them both out into the snow,

‘cuz we all know,

that would be unkind

or something I wouldn’t want anyone else to find

like a hawk or owl

dare I continue to scowl?

It’s not fair of me,

really,

because Mr. and I are humane to them.

We cuddle ’em, brush ’em, scoop poop for ’em, and let ’em play scrabble with us,

and of course, we feed ’em.

When we have food in a tin can.

Jeez, what more could a cat ask for in a crazy cat house for humanity?

They should be happy we saved them from the shelter

When they were little and scared of all the helter-skelter

Abandoned on the side of the road, such a poor little litter

of brothers and sisters

We kept just two sisters

Who still, by the way, enjoy full tin cans of food.  Duh?

When their food sources are thin,

Tizzie acts out to make sure her sister’s belly is full and their frisky waists shall thicken,

Our seemingly looking innocent kitten,

Acts out on her own when the hoomans are slow to respond to her sister’s meows of, feed me – please

she’ll test the waters (under the tree)

And bolt out from there when caught by thee

then lay there like a golden glowing fallen angel next to the tree.

Hmm, that’s so suspicious why didn’t she flee?

I wonder why?  I do suspect

it’s time for me to take a closer look to inspect

Hmm, what’s this I see under the tinsel-free branch?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

A-hah, a mysteriously placed ornament,

not at all where it was placed by my human attempts at adornment,

And a trail of needles on the carpet leading up to the slumbering cat

Yeah, you bet, she’s not so innocent, or cute, or thirsty, dammit – she has 4 water bowls…

She’s getting braver

and knows if she doesn’t try sooner or later

before said tree shall disappear

she’ll lose her opportunity to eat the tinsel or drink the water out from the center of depths of piles of presents that aren’t for her.

What is it she’s looking for?

Tin cans of food, I’m assuming, or maybe catnip (sh*t that was on the list too)?

and apparently, she was pissed at her hoomans of humanity,

who didn’t feed her or her sister on time.

I wonder, would it be worthy of my time to save a dime,

and feed ’em instead with the candle in the tin?

It’s comparable in size, and makes the same noise when I clang the spoon on its side,

Plus, it has a bourbon factor…no wait, that’s probably better for me?

I may need to relax after I go out again into the crowds who I suspect may need some good cheer too,

You know as they find their way through the crowd hazed humanity amongst fellow last-minute shoppers…

At Wal-mart…again…like I did YESTERDAY…crap…they opened an hour ago…

And I’m still in my Crazy Cat Lady robe…do you think anyone would notice if I don’t change first?

Post Inspiration – Linda Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Tin

PS – Thanks to Paula at Light Motifs who recommended The Crazy Cat Lady Game – it’s fun and the little kittens are adorable!  Have you ever played the game?  What about Spot-It? That’s fun too!  Just sayin’…if you’re looking for last-minute gifts ideas…!