As I admired the golden glow of the sunrise this morning, I pondered. Today’s thoughts…What is it about females that immediately get sucked into our own self-image bashing? For me, it’s because I was born in the 1960’s and then graduated in the 1980’s. But that’s too simple of an excuse. That’s just my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has doubts about myself a time or two in a lifetime?
Other women have those concerns, despite the prevalent movement nowadays to not be so critical of ourselves. Don’t they?
We silly girls remain critical of our hair, clothes, make-up, weight, bodies, and then we become depressed, or at the least discouraged, and then spiral into the same bad behaviors (eating our favorite treat, drinking just one more high caloric beverage, bingeing on a bag of chips) that results in perpetuating our self-destructive methods to keep us right where we don’t want to be.
Not happy with ourselves.
I graduated from high school in 1983 at the peak of my body’s youthful appearance. There are days I miss that old body. In 1981, I remember being desperate to fit in. I had gorgeous friends, who had nice clothes, nice hair, and slim and trim bodies. I wasn’t overweight, I could starve myself with the best of them. But I couldn’t see how I fit in, because to me, I didn’t look like them.
Role models came in the form of envy, doubt, and criticism…and the media – MTV, Dirty Dancing, Perfect, and On Golden Pond.
I didn’t have a mom who modeled slim and trim. She worked a 9-5 desk job, ate what she wanted, and bowled for exercise. Those bowling nights, no doubt included drinking, smoking, and pizza. She had a blast, with great friends, but none of those activities helped her health or her figure. That lifestyle eventually took her life in the form of vascular dementia.
A course in life I most definitely want to avoid.
As I venture on into my 50’s (53 years and counting to be exact…) I’m active, running or walking every day, I do yoga, I eat healthy, and I enjoy my guilty pleasures of chips and a beer in moderation (most days). I promised myself when I got married to Mr. that the only time I’d weigh more than I did the day we got married was when I was pregnant, and so far, I’m good with that goal.
But…I’m finding that my original goal is now skewed. Just weighing less than or equal to what I weighed in my 20’s has a different physical appearance than how I thought I would end up looking in my 50’s. The thing I hadn’t planned on was the blasted normal aging effects on a body that is over 50. You know…the good old aging stuff – wrinkles and sags to be exact.
I can just hear the ranting in my head…”That’s never going to happen to me…it’s not supposed to happen to me…why is it happening to me?!”
I’m not a tummy tuck, plastic surgery kind of gal. Duh…I let my hair go natural, so my body deserves the same respect. But, I’ve been wondering…can I fight the sag stage, or should I embrace it, or should I find a happy in-between?
I’ve been living mostly in the happy-in-between, but there are days when I catch a view of myself in the mirror. Like yesterday…I had a moment when I pulled on a summer dress that I hadn’t worn in a year and hit me…”I’m not so sure about the embracing my aging body mode…I may need to start fighting a bit harder?!”
Over dinner, I thought I’d test the waters and see what Mr. thinks about women’s bodies as they age. He’s four years older than me, and wiser about the aging things.
Me: “Do you remember the swimsuit scene in On Golden Pond. Wasn’t it Jamie Lee Curtis.” (subtle moments of memory failing issues…??)
Mr: “Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of that movie, never watched the whole thing. But…I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Jamie Lee Curtis. Wasn’t it Jane Fonda?”
Me: “Oh yeah…Jamie Lee Curtis was in Perfect.
Me: (Googling it to find out…) “Yes, you’re right, it was Jane Fonda, I even bought her book on exercise. I was diligent in exercising to every page in the book. All the girls my age (I’m assuming) wanted to have a body like hers. She was ‘old (44 years old) in that movie and looked awesome. It was inspirational back then.”
Mr: “What? Nah, she was just skinny…why are you talking about that movie anyhow? It was 1981 movie, what’s the deal?”
Me: “Well, now that we’ve planned a trip where me wearing a swimsuit is needed…I’m starting to panic…”
Mr: “Girls…You’ve got plenty of time, the trip is months away…”
Me: “Yeah, my body was transformed twice in 9 months, a beach ready body can happen in 8 months…right?? Right??”
Mr: “Girls…”
Me: “You’re right…please pass me the chips…I’ll start a diet tomorrow…”
Mr: “That’s my girl!”
This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced these swimsuit fears…I wrote about it in my old blog – “How to fall in love with your swimsuit when you’re 50“. The good points for me to hold on to at this moment in time:
- I remembered I wrote about my concerns before (no memory issues here…).
- I still believe in the thoughts I shared 3 years ago.
- I still have the swimsuit…I wonder if the elastic is sagging yet? Sh*t like that happens as one ages…
Stay tuned…I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll be pondering this delicate subject…!
PS – What do you think, are women too hard on themselves? Do you think women in their golden years should wear bikinis or not? Do you remember the movies of the 80’s and the actresses who transformed for their roles?
I think that women are more critical of their bodies nowadays because of the social pressure to have the perfect body. I myself have never been fond of bathing suits, as I don’t swim much anyways and they make me feel uncomfortable to wear around people. To each his own I say, whatever you’re comfortable in, wear it! the heck with others that feel the need to judge!
Thank you for sharing your insights, Jennaive! You have great advice :-)!
two years ago I bought AND WORE 2 bikinis on vacation in Bonita Springs, FL. There are definitely worse looking people than me walking around in bikinis, even gals much younger! I still have a hard time with my body image, but I mostly can’t care what others think of my body.
Awesome…You’ve inspired me!!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts :-)!!
You’re definitely way too hard on yourself. Bodies age, things change, and that’s OK. At least that’s my own opinion about myself and my partner. What matters to me is the person inside the body. I know I and my partner will change if we are lucky enough to keep getting older. That’s a given. But as long as we are the same kind people we started out as there’s no issue.
I think we have weird expectations because everything in our world is now disposable. If our car looks a little old and out of style, no problem, we trade it in for a newer model. If our perfectly good clothes are out of style, we get rid of them. How many acid-washed jeans did you donate at some point in your life? If we’re not as happy with how the house looks we sell or renovate. How many times have I watched a TV show where a perfectly serviceable kitchen was gutted and tens of thousands of dollars spent because it looked dated. It’s a habit of mind many of us seem to have: It’s old, I’m used to it, and it doesn’t look like the new versions of the same thing so I don’t like it anymore.
But we need to look at ourselves and our partners differently. We’re going to age. (Who wants to choose the alternative?) Some of the changes will be aesthetically pleasing, others less so. But we can’t treat ourselves like an outdated kitchen because the part that matters isn’t the vehicle that carries the person (mind, soul, whatever your preferred philosophy uses to describe it), it’s the person.
Where this breaks down, though, is in some relationships that were established on superficial terms. These can get strained with age because it was about attraction to a body that is *guaranteed to change*. I don’t think you’re in one like that, but it certainly contributes to our cultural narrative that shows successful middle aged men (often no prize, physically, themselves), finding a younger woman because their partner “let herself go” (read: grew older and had healthy expectations about what that entailed)
Excellent thoughts, Todd, thank you for sharing. You’re right, we should embrace our changes as we age. I’m lucky, like you are, to have found someone who understands and appreciates the aging factor – and we compare aches and pains while we’re at it :-). Thank you, again, I appreciate reading your insight and perspectives!
So much I could say here. What I’ve learned/ come to the realization of in my (almost) 60 years: You only punish yourself if you don’t do/wear something you enjoy because of the anxiety of what someone else will think. The people that see you on vacation are strangers, it would be a miracle if you ever saw them again, and their opinion means less than zero. Plus they’ll forget about you 5 minutes later. If you’re worried about the people you’re with, that DO know you, it shouldn’t matter what you look like in a swimsuit. They love you for who you are, not what you look like.
For those “selfie” self-absorbed girls who might be rude- laugh at them and tell them to get back to you when they’re 50 and their bodies are turning on them. Because you know something they don’t. Nobody can stop ageing and Mother Nature can be a b****.
After going through cancer, losing all of my waist-length hair and looking like someone I didn’t even know I came out of it with a solid realization that life’s way too short to live based on other people’s opinions. It’s MY life, not anyone else’s. After menopause, my metabolism has dropped to nothing and I’ve involuntarily gained more weight than I care to. A friend of mine was talking about her few extra pounds one day. She said she looked prosperous. Hahaha! It’s always stuck with me as a positive outlook. Enjoy your vacation girl!
Aw, thank you, I’m inspired by your thoughts and encouragement – you’re right on target and I’m going to do just that. My wise mother-in-law told me similar thoughts – she recently went through cancer treatment – “life is too short to worry about such things – enjoy our bodies as they change!” Congratulations for coming out of your cancer, strong and determined to live life to the fullest! Thank you, again, I appreciate reading all your thoughts and will take them with me on my vacation! 🙂
Yes we are so critical of ourselves. My husband is forever telling how much he loves my body, scars, gravitational pull etc. He doesn’t see those… but I do.
That said, I’m learning to not care what anyone else thinks and wear what makes me feel good. It’s a work in progress but I’m taking the plunge and buying two bikinis for my holiday this year!
Have fun with whatever you do and wear xx
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Sounds like you have a great and supportive husband! Congrats on your progress, and for taking a plunge for 2 bikinis! You rock – hope you enjoy your holiday and what you wear, too!! xx
I’m 42 and still wearing my bikinis. The brighter the better! Sure, some of my bits aren’t as perky as they were when I was 21 but I figure if somebody else’s focus in life is what I’m wearing in the ocean, they don’t have a whole lot going for them, eh?
Exactly, that’s a brilliant (bright) outlook! Thank you so much for sharing. Enjoy your glowing moments by and in the ocean! xx
Most of the women I know are definitely too hard on themselves, and it’s shameful how much our culture perpetuates their need to feel ashamed. I think everyone who has survived to their golden years is entitled to wear whatever the hell they feel comfortable wearing as well as not to give a damn what others think about it.
Well stated, Denny! Your wife is so lucky you’re such a wise man and supportive of fighting against the shameful trends in our culture. Here’s a cheer to the beaches everywhere – may they find plenty of bikinis and speedos and SMILES :-)!
I think we should wear bikinis at whatever age or body type we are. I have not worn one without the rash guard or a tank top since my husband is very conservative. It’s the norm in our country but my friends are braver. My husband was once aghast when I told him I’ll strip to my bikini lol.
You should check out a fellow blogger who’s nice like you http://susiesopinions.blog/2018/04/13/boxing-turned-into-an-ab-workout-yesterday/. She can rock the bikini at her age.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. In my little bubble here, I forget that not all cultures support the skin exposure of the bikini. I will check out Susie’s blog, thanks for the hot tip! Happy sun catching moments to you! xx
You’re welcome, Shelley! Don’t worry. Times are changing and we have hope from the millennials 😉.
Hope is a great thing! :-)!
Yup! 😉
Absolutely. SantaBarbaraSwim.Com ☀️👙
Thanks for the hot tip!