All the projects on my desk this past Monday were off to their normal rat race pace. I love a challenge, most days, that is. I attacked the papers, scrambling so all disappeared. By waving my hand across the desk, a dot or two here of extra devotion to keeping my mind from racing on other things coming up for the week, I was getting things done as fast as possible. So I could get outta there.
Then I was off to a side project, which is taking longer than expected. It causes me concern as I remain disconnected from my ever-growing to-do list back at the office.
Tuesday came, and I paused.
I was frozen in different types of memories in my brain, not really thinking of the piles that I left sitting on my desk. I was off work unexpectedly (a postponed rescheduling from a couple of weeks before – perhaps a sign – we’ll never know?) to be with a loved one, whose sweetheart was having triple-by-pass heart surgery.
A subproject for my week, if you will.
The surgery went well. As well as to be expected for an 84-year-old. As I sat waiting with loved ones who were all deep in their own thoughts, I had time to really notice how my father’s early-stage Alzheimer’s is a tad (a lot) more prevalent with stress. Duh? I should know that.
Our daily trips to the hospital and our shared meals at dinner time, along with a road trip to his house to check on things made it even more so obvious.
We’ve been on a slow-moving pace, waiting, praying, wishing, hoping, and watching things unfold with plenty of introspective moments interjected in between.
Reflective thoughts of the many moments we’ve shared prior to this week. It seems like a lifetime ago, 12 years ago to be exact, when mom had her stroke and vascular dementia took over her brain. All my reflective thoughts about that stress and pressure of the life-changing moments were frozen in time. They kept popping up each day since this week’s surgery.
Along with thoughts about the future, what will that hold for all of us?
This subproject has flooded all of our thoughts this week. Piling up, with chilling prospects of how our lives will be changed, yet again.
Moments of disconnects came along with the perceptions of what the outcomes would be or should’ve been. A crazy lifetime of memories, dreams, carefree thoughts, and enjoying what life had to offer brings us to points in life where we reflect on the choices we’ve made along the way.
As we all wished that her chosen route of an optimistic elective surgery would go well, aka, two days later to be discharged home, and on a revived path with a newly functioning heart.
That isn’t the norm for those over the age of 80, by the way, but it can happen, others told her, “No worries, it was a breeze, I was out in two days!”. Versus, the expert advice of “Are you sure, that’s a really big surgery, 3 in 100 can die from it.”
We all hope for the best, right?
Dad: “I need to feed the birds and squirrels before we go.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll watch you from the window.”
I’m sure he reflected a lot as he took care of his friendly little critters who bring him joy. Will I have to move? Will I get to stay here where we’ve lived for 18 years? Will she be with me or not? Will life change? Will I be all alone again?
Yesterday, thankfully she was a bit better, which is a good sign. Although it’s way past 2 days, we’re not giving up hope. Medications and stress of the surgery on a frail person mess big time with brain functioning. Time will tell, and I’m sure their love will prevail.
As I reflect on this week, I’m discouraged at the increasing prevalence of different forms of dementia I’ve witnessed in my own little world. My mom had a vascular type. Her best friend has hereditary Alzheimer’s. My dad has an early-stage, mild-cognitive type, due to his age. And, now, his sweetheart has surgery-medicine-induced confusion that may or may not go away. The longer it keeps hanging on, the more likely this is her new norm. So the doctors say.
With all due respect to anyone who is 30 or more years my senior (I’m 55), it does not appear to be a breeze when it comes to heart surgery for the elderly. I hope, too, to live a long life, and if faced with the decision to have heart surgery or not, I don’t know what I would do? I’m sure it’s not an easy choice.
This week, as I’m watching the pain, the confusion, the heartache of the loved ones and the person going through it herself, I can’t help but wonder, in retrospect, if natural life’s expectancy for the elderly isn’t just mother nature’s own way for what may or not be best for high-risk patients?
Post Inspiration – Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – words that contain ‘ect’ and Patti’s challenge for Lens-Artists #86 – Change your perspective
PS – I hope you all have a wonderful week!
Ms Shelley, it is surprising that ever so often our memories and perceptions are adjusted to the time passed. Years pass most of the time without notice, but change is the culprit lurking in the shadows that causes distress, worry and trepidation. Change is enviable, and heartbreaking, and always remains a stranger we do not welcome into our sense of comfort and normalcy. Bless you for your courage and devotion to your father and his Sweetheart during this difficult time of change. He is a man surrounded by treasures of family and friends. g
It’s natural to reflect on these things and, I think, to bounce from one extreme to the other. I’ll keep a good thought for all of you. These times are not easy to deal with. But, we do usually manage to deal with them.
I’ve missed your blog lately and was happy to see the email appear in my inbox this morning. I’m so sorry to hear about your week and will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
I find the older I get the more I am reminded of the uncertainty and frailty of life. It makes me appreciate the memories I have of family and friends especially of those who have passed. And it makes me want to spend as much time as I can making more memories and enjoying the time I am given. Your photos of the ice and snow are so serene and calming. Reminding me to slow down and enjoy the view wherever I may be.
May your loved one have a full and speedy recovery.
I’m just going to say big hugs for you Shelley. ❤️
It is shocking and so tough getting older and then seeing loved ones go through changes such as memory loss. I say shocking, because when we are young we can’t even imagine the shift in reality that awaits us in one way or the other. And how that morphs into a grieving process never expected. Your dad is lucky to have you in his corner. Not everyone has such empathetic family members standing by them. We do all hope for the best, but it is easier if we don’t have to do it alone.
I feel for you and your stress. And FWIW, my stepfather had a MAJOR surgery at Mayo that they weren’t sure he would survive. He did, and I can tell you it took months for him to rally. Don’t give up on the cognitive part, either. The elderly take a long time to recover from anesthesia, and major heart surgery puts them under for a long time. Hang in there. Wishing your loved one the best!
Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way. So difficult to see parents getting older. Scary too, to think that our own time may be getting shorter. Take care of you!
A difficult time for you and yours Shelley. Your dad is fortunate to have you by his side and you are fortunate he is still in your life. He is especially fortunate to have found someone to share his life after the loss of your mother. Modern medicine has made such progress on many things (including heart surgery) but Alzheimers and other mental aging issues continue to confound them and us. Prayers for you and for those working on addressing this terrible disease. As for post-surgery mental issues, I’ve seen this with others and feel confident it will pass. It takes a bit longer with seniors.
Hi Shelley, Quite the week for you. As you know, priorities always lie with loved ones. Huge hugs on how exceptionally stressful life is with your parents. Your last paragraph sums up one of the concerns with high-risk patients. As Janet says, ‘take care of you!”
Honestly I’d think you were odd if you didn’t reflect on these issues. Watching your parents age, and contemplating your own mortality, can be difficult to process but is part of life. You seem to be hanging in there. Take care.
I miss my parents very much, but I don’t miss the stress of worrying about them and watching them decline. Your dad is lucky to have you in his corner. Don’t forget to take care of yourself also.
Hope all is better on the home front – it is difficult to see loved ones decline while you stand helplessly by, but when they have something to live for, they will rally back almost as good as new.
Hi Shelley sending love. As we get older our parents are getting older and need us and we become there parents. I had my father in Hospital overnight due to his medication failing him. He was falling due his blood pressure tablets but he also has Parkinson’s. And my mum is his carer. She fell last month and I looked after them both. Both of them are much better now. She has healed and he is off the medication. But I fully understand the position your in. And I hope your fathers sweetheart pulls through, bless her. Its quite an age to go through surgery. Sending much love ❤
(((hugs)))
Such a tough situation–I’m sure your dad is so glad you’re there with them through all of it! Sending you positive thoughts to keep strong, yourself, in order to do your best for your loved ones.
A big hug and thinking of you. You are strong and obstacles are only placed within our path when it is known that we have the power to overcome
Much love and positive energy from me and from so many people who heart you and care about you and yours
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Lovely Shelley, sending you so much love, hugs, and prayers!! You are a wonderful being full of strength, resilience, and love, and I trust and feel that whatever comes, you will rise to the ocasion. I concur with everything Fiery wrote. Sorry for the late comment, going through some stuff. Big hugs!!!
I concur with you too! Hugs to you and hugs again , Shelley!💖
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Sending prayers and healing wishes your way, trusting all is better.🌻