If you promise not to be too critical, or judgmental or laugh too hard, let me tell you if you’ve got the time, baby, I’ve got a helluva story to tell you about a gal who doesn’t know how to share.
I know a food addiction when I see one.
I have the proper experience of eating as much as possible in one sitting. In case you’re wondering, that is exactly how I got this belly! You’re right, it wasn’t just from lying around and staring at hoomans. It took my bestest efforts ever.
Kind of like the Mrs. when she eats Tostitos. She’s perfected the moves.
I practice what I see and then lay around and let redundant fluff form. She, on the other hand, binges, and then does some weird-a** squat-like pose to burn off all the calories. She pets me each time she bends down as I watch her attempts. We both know she’s fooling herself, but what the heck she tries.
It’s much easier to watch her eat chips.
I know, you’re right, lately, that’s where I and the Mrs. part have parted ways when it comes to our belly formations. She’s lost weight by not bingeing (too often) so she can wear all those new beach clothes she bought, but other than that, we both know how to appropriately attack a bag. That trip of hers and the Mr.’s better come soon or all of her efforts may go out to sea before she gets to see it.
When it comes to a crunchy sounding bag of treats, man ‘o man, she can pack the crunchy, munchy, salty chips away. She doesn’t snort like me, but she does moan sighs of “Yum.”
I heard her proclaim to my main source of food, aka, Mr., something along the lines of, “It’s Friday, I’m going to have chips and a beer.”
He said something back to her like, “You go girl. Good thing you added them to the list, there’s a bag in the pantry queue when you finish this one. Next to the note reminding you not to eat them.”
Those comments or tricks don’t stop her when she’s on a chip-fix mission.
I watched it happen again last night. Right before my eyes, through the crowded view of Dave’s Killer bread and the glass of water. It was shortly after she’d eaten her whole dinner.
Mrs. ate one chip after another until she had only one chip and a bunch of crumbs left. She poured them out onto a napkin so she could get every last morsel.
All the motion awakened me from my slumber. I do that when the sound of a bag does the magic crinkle sound.
It may mean some crumbs for me, too.
I waited. Nada chip shared.
I gave her the eye as she checked the bag to see if there were any other crumbs to pour out on the napkin.
Nope. I couldn’t believe, she went right on munching without sharing. Wow…
She has no shame.
I tried to look nonchalant, and extended my paw, to see if she’d do a pity share.
Nope. She didn’t notice me. I tried the glare again.
Still no share. Crap…right into her mouth it went, the chip I thought she’d share, at warp speed.
WTH?
There were seriously enough left to share with me. All I wanted was a few crumbs for chrissake…
But no way…she just munched and crunched.
And then she paused as she grabbed the last chip standing on the napkin. She saves the biggest one for last.
And then, she noticed me. She grabbed the bag, shook it to check to see if there was one more crumb for me. So I thought.
Then she stuck it in her mouth. I can’t believe it…she didn’t pass it my way!
There it went…the last chip from the bag of chips at the beginning of the month she said she wasn’t going to eat.
Wow, I don’t mean to be too critical, but hooman wooman, man o’ man…she’s got an impressive addiction to Tostitos. She may need help…
And since she didn’t share with me, she should feel shame. Don’t you agree?
At least she didn’t break open the new bag. We’ll see what today brings…
Post Inspiration – Special appearance by Dessy in honor of Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Critic(al).
PS – Happy Saturday. The forecast here is 8-12 more inches of snow and a bag of Tostitos in the queue. I shall also cut up some veggies, but, I’m just sayin’ comfort food may just be in order. And, I think I’ll cut my own hair, maybe that’s the change I need for the weekend? How about you? What do you have planned for the day?
Come on kitty. If you wanted a chip, be like every other cat, or at least those in the northeast, and steal it. – This guy prefers donuts. https://nofacilities.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/img_8313.jpg
Oh, my gosh. That’s hillarious! I can’t share that with Dessy – she’d try to climb in the bag of Tostitos and make a mess.
I have one of him in a bag of Fritos. He’s such a jerk and he loves crunchy stuff.
Got to have the Friday relief chips. She really is a pretty cat and spoiled I am sure.
Yes, on all accounts! 🙂 She’s spoiled rotten. But we love every fluffy inch of her!
Loved the photos as much as the words; what wonderful translations of those facial expressions!
Aw, thank you, I appreciate your words of encouragement!
Oh kitty! You were ripped off man! Maybe you’ll get some from her next bag of Tostito’s. More snow? Noooo!
LOL – yes, on both accounts – maybe she’ll get a chip crumb today. More snow is falling as I type!
More shoveling fun for your Mr, eh? Poor Copper, slowly losing his potty area again! Enjoy those yummy chips Shelley. ❤️
Yes, we know how to have fun on the weekends! 🙂 Thanks, I plan on having a few, in between veggies!
Ahhh good idea, offset those chips with veggies and dip right! mmmm. 🙏🏻
Cats are so much more subtle than dogs. Doodle will get as close as she can in hopes of stealing food. If I stop eating for a moment, she’s likely to bark at me like – if you’re not going to eat it, give it to ME! She’s obsessed with food. And now I’ve a hankerin’ for chips.
LOL – that’s awesome – Doodle know what she wants and goes for it, Dessy is impressed to hear of her go-for-it attitude! Enjoy the chips!
Our squirrely gurl gets her chips first so she leaves me alone…. you know the type. Share this comment and he will be on you like hot sauce on a chip.
Ah, a fellow pet spoiler, eh? Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. The chips, not so much, but secrets, you bet!
Your kitty is a beauty.
Aw, thank you, she appreciates the kudos!
Dessy’s expressions and lines are great – I like Mr.’s lines too, like pointing out pointedly that there are more Tostitos next to where the note is that says not to eat them … sly devil! More snow blows my mind – Copper is asking to be booked to Jamaica I’m sure.
Thank you, Linda! I tell ya, I live with sly devils, that’s for sure! 😉 Oh, my, you’re not gonna believe the pictures of the snow this time! 🙁
On the CBS National News on the radio a few hours ago they said this “even Wisconsinites who are used to alot of snow are officially sick of it.”
I wanted to point them in the direction of your blog for further commentary. 🙂 We have 45 mph winds gusting now – figured I’d better make a pit stop here in case we lose power … crossing my fingers nothing happens.
Yeah, CBS is right! And now, the ice damn has caused a leak in our entry way… This is horrible! 🙁
Not surprised you have one – those icicles looked lethal!
Mr. tried to shovel it off and he came back in, he said it’s like standing in an ice storm. The wind just whips ice at your face. Yikes…
At this point Mr. probably dreads looking out the window at what awaits out there – do you have a service or a friend to do your snow while you are on vacation Shelley – that’s assuming it is still snowing (probably will be).
Oh yeah, he’s not been enjoying the view of the snow. At least the wind isn’t blowing 40 mph this morning. We do have a house-sitter who shovels, so we’ve got those bases covered. Wait…you mean March won’t be spring-like weather??! That dang groundhog…
That groundhog better say under cover – many are saying mean-spirited things about him right now. Yes, we got to 55 mph at 3:00 p.m. Sunday, still 25-30 mph gusts right now – have to go see what the loud noise was out there yesterday … hopefully nothing and I have nothing in the yard that would go airborne. Glad you have a house sitter – you would need to with your pets.
No kidding. Sigh – the winds are still blowing here, too. Schools are closed because the roads couldn’t be cleared and it’s below zero out. Yes, we can’t leave our little critters unattended.
That is terrible. I just sent you a meme that a friend of mine posted on Facebook that her cousin in Wisconsin sent to her. I didn’t know if you boarded the critters or someone took care of them for you.
LOL that meme is so fitting! Our three critters are so attached to ‘home’ they wouldn’t tolerate a boarding place. Plus they enjoy the house-sitter, they get spoiled even more. Plus they get the whole bed to themselves!
After your post about sharing the bed, I am sure the bed is a big draw. 🙂 I used to take care of my neighbor’s cat when she went away. I went over every night to feed Missy and try to play with her a little – she would have none of “playing” though – she treated me like she treated everyone but Marge, with disdain and would scratch and claw me every chance she got. Marge knew that – none of her kids liked her. I would go in and take care of her food/water and put Pounce on the floor to try to play tiddlywinks with her … she’d swipe me with her paw, though I stayed back. But what we did do, both my mom and I, was call Marge’s answering machine several times a day so Missy could hear her voice.
Yes, all 3 of them enjoy the bed for sleeping and pushing the hoomans off to the sides. Aw, some cats are just so territorial. That’s so sweet you figured out a nice way for it to hear Marge’s voice!
Those animals have a mind of their own sometimes! Calling Missy on the answering machine was something we did every trip Marge took. It backfired one time … her husband had to have a liver transplant. He had been on the “liver list” for a while. He got the call and they drove up to University of Michigan hospital in Ann Arbor for the procedure. Marge was going to stay nearby – I don’t know if that was adjacent to the hospital or in her husband’s room. So that was the first time I was asked to take care of Missy until the surgery was done and he was on the road to recovery. So Marge asked if we could call the answering machine and let her voice play for Missy. Sure, no problem. My mom and I had bought a funny card for Mo (short for Maurice) and I had it with me at work and made the call from work to the nurse’s station to see if he was in his own room and out of the ICU. We were planning to send a terrarium to the house when he got home. Called the nurses station – asked how Mo Aubin was and the person said “it looks like there was a room change” – I asked for the room number, got it, addressed the card and I ran downstairs to put it in the early mail. I called Marge’s answering machine and said “Missy: Mom and Dad are doing fine – Mom is coming home later today so you won’t be alone.” The only problem is that the room change was just temporary – he had a heart attack not long after being put in his room and died. So OMG, we sent this hilarious get-well card and left a crazy message on the answering machine. Marge and the kids got home … she called my mom and gave her the news about Mo and said “we never laughed so hard as when we got that card and that answering machine message.” Meanwhile, I felt like an idiot!
Oh, my, Linda, your adventures with critters never cease to entertain me! That is quite the twisted tale, sad he passed away, but I bet you were relieved the family was appreciative of your efforts!?
I was relieved! Truthfully, her hubby was nothing special and my mom and I were aware that he beat her up routinely and once called the police and said she threatened him with a gun.
She was hauled away by the police to “cool off and spend the night in jail” – he quit drinking when he was placed on the “liver list” … but you know, you have to go through the motions of the get-well card, the get-well plant, etc. The day she got his cremains, she went and dumped them in the water and watched them float away, then she called a friend and went to the casino. I think she felt worse when Missy had to be euthanized – she got dementia and didn’t recognize Marge and would hiss and arch her back whenever she came home from work. I sometimes feel I have a story for everything Shelley.
Oh, my, goodness. Yikes! Yes you have a story for everything – with lots of plot twists too!