As 2017 closes to an end, temperatures outside are dropping degree by degree. And I’m feeling melancholy. Or is it sadness or depression (or holy crap, I still had a lot of stuff I wanted to do outside)?
Yesterday, it was a whopping 18 degrees outside. As I was sitting in the sunshine coming through the windows, I realized that was the closest I’ll get to going outside for awhile! Burr…
As winter grabs its hold, I’ll miss sitting outside in the sun. Each night as the sun sets, I remind myself to appreciate surprises of the day (like unexpected snow covering the ground and geese flying around wondering where the heck they’re supposed to be or what happened to their open water spots).
Despite subtle reminders to be optimistic, at Christmas time, I feel melancholy.
As I transform our house to look all Christmassy and such, my mind wanders to the past. Ornaments and decorations remind me of years we’ve spent in our home and of course, flashbacks of my growing up years.
I think about how mom loved Christmas. She was eccentric and loved it almost as much as Halloween. I thought after 5 years, I’d feel somehow different? Should I not feel less melancholy with that much time passing? I’m thankful I still miss her. I don’t know that I really ever want to stop.
As I reminisce about mom, I put out teddy bears and stuffed animals she loved and/or bought for our kids over the years. I smile each time I walk by and see the cats laying close by those new strangers in the house (one must never go where the other has gone before without remarking the turf).
Sometimes, I’m able to sneak into the room and catch them as they pose for photo shoots by the bears (typical, one poses the other ignores me!).
I confess to a bit of guilt going on adding to my mood swings. Having to spend time catching up on paperwork and filing I put off over the year sucks (not candy canes or warm hot toddies either!). I start each year with gusto and determination. But end up crushing my grandiose New Year’s resolutions to keep up throughout the year. By the time Spring rolls around the boredom of data entry and filing gets to me. And I find more fun things to occupy my time.
This time of year, filled with messages of ‘Happy Holidays’ means it is important to fill your time with spirit and uplifting kind of shit, right? Like taking photos and blogging and reading.
So I shall focus on the things that make me smile, and turn that frown upside down.
I’m relieved this year – I should be singing out loud with clattering noises from the rooftop!
We had new roofs installed and gutters repaired on a couple rental properties (a splendid way to spend a staycation). Ah…the little (huge) things that make us smile as we toast our hard earned money away! Speaking of that…
We’re not tossing money to funding college anymore (just repayment of loans – we can drink good tasting beer instead of a college beer on occasion). Our youngest graduated in May and isn’t off at college in Chicago anymore (Hallelujah…bells are still ringing here!). She moved back to the area in May so I’m over the additional sprouting of gray hairs from worrying about her living in the windy city (mom’s do that you know…we never really stop).
Wait for a second…now that I think about it – the growth of my gray hairs has slowed way down since her return to the area. I wonder why? For some darn reason, the speed at which my hair now grows seems even slower than last year when I started the journey to gray. What the heck?…not that I’m complaining though! But, I do look forward to the ability to put it up in a youthful ponytail…(Santa, if you’re reading this, can you grant that wish…the youthful part ‘cuz my middle age is probably the reason for slow hair growth!?)
Last, but not least – a simple and selfish kind of gift not requiring any wrapping paper whatsoever.
I’m not dreading photo opportunities. I’ve come out of my year of hiding. We might just get a family photo again (if we’re all in one place at the same time that is!).
I’m no longer sprouting that damn demarcation line, on the top of my head. And I’m feeling pretty darn happy to smile for pictures! Let me tell you – the degree of difference between my colored brown hair and the incoming gray was dreadful and depressing. A Santa’s cap was my go-to hat last season! (Santa, on second thought, skip my youthful request, I am already blessed with the best gift this year – a naturally gray head of hair!)
And I am free to be 53 and me (while I continue working on the dubious minimalist skinny jean diet)! Yippee – 3 cheers – it is time to smile and rejoice this year!
There you have it, that’s my degree of a Christmas story for 2017 and I’m sticking to it.
Happy Holidays to all – may you, too, find a degree (or more) of cheer this season!
